How to Tell if Perfectionism May Be a Problem for You

Do people tell you you’re rigid? Does it take you much longer to accomplish tasks than others? Do you feel pressure about needing to do things perfectly? Here are some tips to identify if perfectionism is a problem for you.

Perfectionism is one of the longest-standing areas of interest for me. Beginning with the research work I did with one of the preeminent specialists in perfectionism and culminating in my training under an internationally known specialist in the field, perfectionism is something that I’ve come to see time and again in all settings that I’ve worked in. Unfortunately, it is often missed by many providers who don’t have specialized experience with this. However, some of these tips might be helpful indicators that you may benefit from working on perfectionism:

·       You often find yourself either saying much more than you want to (e.g., telling people absolutely every single detail of a thing), or paralyzed by worrying about saying the wrong thing. When I train other psychologists or future clinicians on perfectionism, this is the first thing I always tell them. You’ll very often have some inkling to look closer at perfectionism if you can see either of these communication styles when they speak. Although in and of itself this may not be problematic for those who don’t struggle with perfectionism, for some it may become an unhelpful way of interacting with others.

·       You spend a lot more time on tasks than others do. Very often, perfectionism requires time, and that time impacts our work, our leisure time, and even our relationships. This can become problematic and lead to anxiety, issues at work, and even loss of employment or relationships.

·       You get called out on being a workaholic. It’s one thing to be good at what you do, and quite another to feel compelled to have to be the best at work. This may make it problematic for you to devote time to leisure activities, relationships, or personal growth/health.

·       You struggle with delegating tasks to others because they just can’t do it right. Reluctance to delegate tasks relates to having high expectations for yourself and others, which can not only cost you time but may also impact work, leisure, and relationships.

·       It’s hard to throw things away, even though you don’t NEED them. Holding onto things that don’t have sentimental value and/or aren’t actually necessary because “just in case” can be a component of perfectionism.

·       You have a million lists, calendars, rules and/or love order. Being preoccupied with lists, organization and orderliness can be very helpful as long as it does not start to impair functioning. When it takes excessive time, impairs things like work and relationships, or becomes problematic it may suggest perfectionism. It’s also important to note that you can LOVE order AND be messy and disorganized, because

·       You tend to either do things perfectly or not at all. Many people who struggle with perfectionism actually have messy apartments. This is because when perfectionism becomes problematic, it can result in feeling so overwhelmed you don’t even initiate tasks.

·       Your standards of right and wrong impact relationships. Believing in a cause or values is amazing, and in and of itself not problematic. However, when your ethical and/or moral standards impact relationships and result in consistent arguments with numerous people across numerous domains, that might suggest a problem.

·       It’s hard for you to spend money on yourself and others. This refers to spending money even in the absence of financial issues, very often due to the thought that “what if”.

·       People call you rigid. Being routinely called rigid may indicate a potential problem with perfectionism that might benefit from some work.

Although individually these things may be really helpful—especially in small doses—when they become excessive, and when several of them negatively impact us in many domains in our life (e.g., work/school, leisure, relationships, etc.) it can result in problematic patterns of perfectionism. Very often many people struggle with only one or two of these, and that is something that I keep an eye out for in my initial assessment as well as throughout the course of therapy. If, however, you notice that you are struggling with many of these and/or it is impacting your daily functioning, then it may be worthwhile to consider working on these things in therapy. For more information on perfectionism, please feel free to reach out to me to learn about ways that we can work on that together.

*These symptoms are not indicative of a diagnosis in and of themselves. In order to receive a diagnosis, one must meet with a licensed professional.*